Wednesday, June 20, 2007
We live once only.
This is very true to me.
Only once in our life.
So make everyday as happy as we can.
Cheers
Kevin :)
Shaggy
3:13 PM
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
A Treasure.
She might had left, what left is nothing but a treasure to me.
A box of treasure, she had gave me a box of treasure which contain a new hope in life and a new beginning of my life ahead.
I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.
With this treasure i had found, life is not going to be the same anymore.
With this treasure, i had new faith and believe in life.
Mine in my heart forever.
Shaggy
4:51 PM
Friday, June 15, 2007
Found something new in life.
To embrace in the things that i had around me.
To be happy everyday and smile like that is no tomorrow.
To devote myself now in the believe, practice and learn about Nichiren Buddhism.
1) Prayer: “Praising and Reflecting Upon Our True Self”
2) Learning: “Knowing Good and Evil Within”
3) Dialogue: “Talking the Soka Spirit”
4) Action: “Walking the Soka Spirit”
My heart is at eased now, words cannot describe the enlightenment i had achieve over this period of just a few weeks.
Kevin
Shaggy
9:58 AM
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Went drinking with Cherry, Alvin, Sean and Ah Gu last night.
Had only 2 beers, just 2. Was surprised too.But its good, had been telling myself, drinking does not help. I want to live with a life where i do not drink to solve my problems, I drink for the enjoyment.
Saw mirror of myself last night.Realising the things i had done and the way i talk and act.
Smile at it and tell myself. Life get better, everyday. Things around you to help you pull through.
Nothing is impossible. always smile and believe you can do it.
Had some advice from Sean, telling me to let go and move on.
Funny thing is, its doesn't seem to affect me at all.
not because I'm stubborn, is i had already let go, the though that make me sad.
But embrace something new in life, the though of being happy everyday.
Now helping my Sis to get back on her feet with the rest in the family.
My job as a eldest brother, that's what i should do, do guide her and advise her. to support her and teach her. To be there for her when no one else is.
I believe i can do it for her and i think she can do it herself too.
JY, u can do it, I'm always here for you, as a friend and also a brother.
Cheers
Kevin
Shaggy
11:16 AM
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
A New Day ahead.
Time to put aside a lots of things, Time to put everything in one pc.
Started to see the effect of all the shit that i had digged.
Headache, its painful man.
SOooooooo much to clear.
Start from writing everything down.
Things to change.
1. Change the way I talk, talking to people.
2. No more mind plotting
3. Change the way I spend money
4. Learn how to save money
5. Treat family, friends and everyone around us with truth
6. To take things easy, move with a slower pace
7. To work hard for myself and the future
8. To constantly remind myself to look at the bright side
9. Smile everyday, every hours, every minutes and seconds
10. To treasure everything, everyone around me
11. To pray for my loves one and friends
12. Control my temper
13. See things with different perspective.
14. Calm is the word, always keep my cool
15. Think before I say, it might hurt that someone
Thats all i can think of for now, too much things in the head now.
So let me work hurt on this 1st.
Cheers
Kevin
Shaggy
4:56 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
My Happiest and Saddest 19 days of my life
written for my Mine Mine
Everything started on the 25th of May 07.
Finally for the past 3 month of losing myself.
I finally got the ticket to my happiness.
It might look like a summon to everyone, but to me is a chance to forever.I been trying so hard for months to control, but finally broke down.
But after a long wait, she finally here.
I was overjoyed which no words can describe my feeling.
We finally met, after that long.I knew where to head to.
A place where there the sea is.
I drove into Sentosa.
My 2nd set of ticket to remember for life.
A memory enough to last a lifetime.
Finally i got the chance to say something i being waiting to say.To tell her that how much she mean to me and how i wanted to be with her again.
To start all over again, to create a love that will last forever.
"would i ever got a chance to bring you out to taste all best hawker centre food in SG."
"Yes " was the answer
I was so happy that i gave her a
hug, a hug that melted all the ego in me.
I promised her, that everything else in the world does not matter to me anymore.
Nothing come above her. She is the only one that matter to me, the one and only one.
The only women that i want to shared my life with.
26th May 07
Everything seem to last forever.
How i wish time stop forever.
I never feel happiness like this before.
Is time for me to proof, the new me to her.
To make her feel that she had make the right choice.
I feel the different, but still not as strong.
27th May 07
Was having dinner at Holland Village.
The dinner was great, both of us love it.
But after dinner, we were having a talk.
She finally break open the issues, the problem we faced before.
I felt the hit when she told me, its been 15th times. 15 times that we had broke up.
She hurt, i can see it in the eyes, i can feel it with my heart.
I was sorry and hate myself for making her sad for the past 2 years of our relationship.
What kind of Bf am i.
Too many things i had done that hurt her.
Too many, i was lost, lost, lost. I do not know what to say anymore.But keep listening, all that i had done which hurt her.
No matter what she had done to me as my Gf, i should not react like this, I'm a guy, a guy which should be forgiving, but i did not.
I put my pride and ego above her, hurting her like this.
I know that there is nothing much more i can say, but to use action to prove it.
We head home after this.
28th may 07
Is was a Monday,i never felt like a man like this before.
Having her, caring for her, loving her, giving her my whole heart, make me more than a man which i used to believe.
My mood to work increase, telling myself i am the most happiest man in the world.
can't wait to come back home to see her, to give my very best to her.
having her give me the strength to live on, and believe that nothing else matter.
29th may 07
everyday seem to be interesting, full of joy.
Just looking at her, listening to the way she laugh, make my day again.
I know, this time, I'm sure.she is the one.the one that i want to spend my life with.
Now i have to make her think that way too.
30th may 07
Spending everyday with your love one, is the best thing that can ever happened to me.
we been communicating like a couple now, we shared everything that happened to us on the day.That's nothing much more i can ask for now.
Everyday i tell myself and remind myself, she the best that i ever had, to provide my very best to this women in front of me.
We went to Labordor Park. we had a good chat again, this time, thing is not as good as i expected, all the things i had done in the past, make her shaken again, she lost the confidence in me when she think of the past.I hold up her hand, and held her close and tell her, this time round. Everything will change.trust me that what i say.
31st may 07
everyday is like the sweetest thing that can ever happened to me.But now, something is wrong.
I have nothing much more to write anymore.
Something happened.
We were packing my room, throwing all the letters that all my past gf had wrote me which i kept for years.But when i see her, i knew, its time to throw all away.Cos i do not need any of these letters anymore.
We went dinner with my parent, i was just joking with my mum, that we want to plan to get marry. She was so happy, it make me to so want to propose to her.
01st June 07
It was Remus's big day, but i can feel its like mine.
I so wish it was mine, but I'm not sure.how am i going to make her happy, I'm nothing now.
I tell myself at the dinner, to stop all the shit i had dig. and start preparing for my own big day.
Meet her that night and keep this a secret to her.
02nd June 07
Send her to meet the Gers, and i send Bond to the vet.
They went shopping, she saw a bag which she like. i so wanted to buy it for her, just because of the debt that i own, i can't. I feel shit about it myself. But i promised her that i will get it for her.
From that moment, i feel that sometime, life is hard.
* that's so many thing i wish that i can say or do, but i know i can't.
03th June 07
Breakfast make by me.
Send her to meet the girls, pick up Chelsia and send her to Junction 8 to meet Sheena.
Meet an accident today.
Nothing bad, its all good.
04th June 07
On this day, i finally understand all the fear in me.
Saw the saddest thing that had happened.
But i took a deep breath, and tell myself, everything is going to be fine.
I cry, cry till i can't cry anymore.
I'm Sad, heartbroken.But i know the reason y it is happening.
I tell myself, its OK.
05th June 07
Its a sad June for me now, to learned about something which i had to forced myself to accept.
I had to leave everyday telling me its not happening.
I will not write much about all these anymore. just live with it.
06th June 07
Had done something which i was surprised too.
Felt Sad, but still have to do it.
The more i wrote the more i felt the sadness.
07th June 07
everything were fine. Back to normal.
trying to get over it.
nothing much to write. so skip.
Not writing does not mean that is nothing to write.
The love is still strong...
08th June 07
We went fisherman village.
It was a day, which changes everything in my life.
We finally had a good talk, this time she felt the different in me.
I had finally opened my heart, to tell her how i really feel, and the importance of her to me.
She ask me a question, would i had the confidence to make her happy, "i say i don't have"
After the whole conversation i answer her this.
"Is sad, but is true, i cannot lied to her, i want to give her my very best.But i cannot do so, cos, i cannot see myself anymore.I don't have the confidence to do it."
So it was me now, not her.
I cannot afford to hurt her anymore, not anymore.If leaving her to someone else to take care of her and give her the happiness she been looking for. Then i think is better than me. then choosing me. stop here, cos the more i carry on, the more i don't have the power to do it.
9th June.07
The most happiest day for all this period.
So much had been done on this day.
Chanting in the morning, sending her to settle her study stuffs, went tim sum with her and her mum, buy Bond medicine, went super market---the feeling of that was just great, no words to descride after the final one, foot massage, we were screaming in pain.
So much happened in a day, we had peace for chanting, eat till we full, basic couple happiness just by going marketing and also going thorough pain together. Hahahaha.
We knew it, it a happy day we will remember. at least to me, will keep it somewhere in my heart. somewhere.
But happy times are short live.
I understand.
..........................................................................................................................................................................
Sleepless night.
10th June07
Nothing to write.
But just an major car accident.
But only this time, i finally realized something.
I was never there, there in her heart.
........ say no more.......
11th June 07
I cannot write anymore.
I will carry on again tml.
That the max i can do for now on
The verdict was out, and we are back to friend again.
I knew it sad, i try to control.But deep down inside, my heart broke into pieces.
I will respect the decision. and had to live with it.
went back home to try to get some sleep.
Had to chant to sleep like the past few days.
12th June 07
Morning, send her to work, we react like normal.
But i know this time, is for real. I can feel it, its so strong.
Later in the afternoon 12.25pm.
She finally tell me the truth, we can not be together.
The scar in our relationship had make her phobia about the us getting back together.
I understand and i felt it right for her to make this choice.
I respect her and wish her all the best in life.
But these past 19 days, was a period of my life which i will remember forever.
Part of the memorises are kept in my heart, and it will not be written as it had already engrave into my heart.
Mine Mine forever
Shaggy
10:56 PM